I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
