Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
