This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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