His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
