By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
