Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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