No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I forget how to act sober
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
