im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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