it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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