Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
