Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had to cum in my sink.
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