Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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