I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
