i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize