I am spending my child support on dildos
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
