I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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