i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
