the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize