I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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