the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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