3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
