No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
