I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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