so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
