fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
