She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
