Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
