carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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