Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
