I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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