I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
