the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
