yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
