if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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