I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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