I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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