i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want to make a zoo with you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize