i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize