just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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