Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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