U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
