the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
