I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
