they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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