My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
