ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
