well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
