I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
