He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you win again, gameday.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
