if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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