Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
