i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
