As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She told me I should be a condom model.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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