i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
nutella sex= disaster
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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