It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
