Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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