That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize