I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The Olympian is in my bed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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