We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i came on her dog
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
