I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
