She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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