why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Even my vagina gasped.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
