Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
