How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
