At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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