this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
