Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
