Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
