I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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